Share a Poem, "Death"

by Baran
(http://www.myfriendbaran.blogfa.com)

Im B.A student of English Translation in Iran. I really use your blog. I would be happy if you accept my invitation to visit my blog and say your idea about my English poem, "death".

I will waiting for You. Please do not forget me!

Wish u the best
good luck.

---

Hi Baran,

I just went to your blog and read your poem. It is very dark and sad. Obviously with a title "death" it isn't going to be a very uplifting poem. ;)

On your blog you ask people to point out faults and opinions so I thought I would get the ball rolling and then see what others think.

My one suggestion would be to change the rhyme scheme. I would make every two or four lines rhyme, rather than every line rhyming the same way.

I think this will create more impact and suit the poem more.


Read Baran's poem right now. What does everyone else think of Baran's poem?